How To Find A Life Partner

Finding someone to date is challenging enough. Finding a person you can be happy with for the rest of your life can feel impossible. Take your time, spend time with your friends, and take care of yourself. Date, but date calmly. Commit, but commit carefully. Love can't be rushed.

1. Put yourself out there.

The more time you spend dating and socializing, the more likely you will find someone you like. Put yourself out there by attending social events organized by your friends, by taking classes and chatting with classmates, and by signing up for dating sites, apps, and services. Be adventurous and open minded: try speed dating, for instance.

The most common way to meet a future partner is through mutual friends. Spend time with friends, and ask your friends to introduce you to people they think you'll like.

The second is in social spaces. This can include everything from bars, to concerts, poetry readings, and gallery openings, to church gatherings.

The third is through work. If you work from home, consider participating in a co-working space. Make visits to the home office and attend conferences when you can. Be slow to ask someone out if you work together regularly, however, as this can potentially complicate your work life.

The fourth is through dating websites or apps, and the fifth is social media. Sign up for dating platforms like OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, and Hinge.

2. Ask people out.

If you know someone in real life, ask him or her out in person. Ask directly, so that they know what you're saying and can respond in a straightforward way. To minimize awkwardness, ask on the exit. As you leave a situation, say "I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I have to go. Would you like to have dinner sometime soon?"

If you are absolutely too shy to ask someone out in person, you can call. You'll have to ask for his or her number, though.

If you found the person you're interested in online, send a friendly message. If you want to get a better sense of the person, message back and forth 2-5 times before you ask him or her out.

If you are asking out a friend, leave plenty of room for a "no." Make sure that you ask your friend out before you get so wound up that a rejection would devastate you. When you notice yourself crushing, go for it.

Stay friends if it's not too painful. The person who turns you down might end up introducing you to the person you stay with.

3. Date calmly.

If you're feeling anxious about finding "the one," you might end up scaring your dates away. Plan dates as you would plan other events: an activity you might enjoy doing with another person, and a friendly commitment to enjoying the meeting. During a date, focus on the date.

Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and be honest in your answers.

Be genuine. Tell the truth when asked a question. Worry less about being judged and more about seeming phony.

Stay off your phone. Focus on your date!

Don't spend the whole time worrying about ascertaining whether or not your date is a good match. You can't tell something like that on a first date. Rather, focus on the conversation and the activity of the date.

Don't say "I love you" or try to talk about long-term commitment on your first few dates.

5. Arrange a date you can enjoy.

Dates don't have to be dinner, wine, and eye contact. Plan something you would feel more comfortable doing. Get coffee and take a walk in a park. Visit an exhibit at a local museum. Meet for breakfast at a diner and sit at the counter.

Invite your date to a party or other social event. If you get nervous in isolation, try hanging out in a group.

Say yes to your date's ideas. If someone asks you out, let that person name the date. Don't assume you won't enjoy a new place or activity.

6. Take care of your appearance.

To attract a partner, look your best. Be clean. Shower often, but use shampoo no more than three times a week. Brush your teeth and floss after eating, so that your breath is fresh and your teeth look healthy.

Dress to suit yourself. Fashion choices are going to vary widely depending on your tastes, but in general, wear clothing that fits your body, is clean, and is not very worn out.

Wear the colors that flatter you, or wear black and neutrals if you can't figure out what your colors are.

7. Plot out what you want.

Think about the things you most want in life: companionship, children, financial stability, a strong community, artistic success, to live up to your principles, to enjoy yourself. Think of where you would like to be in three years, five years, thirty and fifty years. Don't think "What do I want in a partner?" but rather "What do I want in my life?"

Look at your relationship and see if it supports your life goals. If you find it does not, ask yourself if you are willing to live without things for the sake of the one you are with.

Adapt to what you find. Most people are actually terrible at knowing what they want. If you find someone who supports you in your desire and who expands your horizons—someone you care about enough that they have changed you—you might have found your life partner.

8. Get an education.

Many couples meet in college or graduate school. It's a place where people have things in common, spend time near one another, and get a sense of one another as workers and friends. If you've already gone to school, or are unable to return, try taking extension classes in subjects that interest you: cooking, foreign languages, dance, or business.

Not only is school an excellent place to meet a potential mate, but getting an education can increase the longevity of your future relationship. Couples with college education have lower divorce rates than their less-educated peers.