Nigerian best funny jokes and stories

Nigerian best funny jokes and stories.

It's no longer A pupular news,That Nigerian are know to be the Best in jokes and comedy. We Naija Delta are born as a comedian. Here are the funniest set of jokes you can ever come across. So grab a glass of wine while reading. I bet, you will laugh until you forget your name. Come alive.

This post will be updated every week. Don't forget to check back because every week more jokes Will be added. Read on and make your day alive

1. If You visit your boyfriend, you turn on the DSTV and meet It on ZeeWorld, My sister he is cheating on you. 

2. If guys are ask to post their girlfriend pic on Valentine day some Girls will appear 10 Times and above

3. If My boyfriend has another girlfriend.. Who is the girl to me? Is she My step girlfriend or business partner ?

4. There's nothing more stressful and annoying than Doing a Job That you've already collected and spend the money for it 

5. If you want to make it in life stay away from jobless ladies with high teste

6. It's either you are married or single. Which one is " dem Don do small thing for my head " your head nah shrine abi nah babalawo alter?

7. Golden morn is good, corn flakes is better, biscuits flakes is cool. But at the mention of garri every flakes must bow

8. The beauty of a woman does not rest on her face,Boot,butt or Body. When i say women are beautiful i mean those independent. Not you tax collector

9. You girlfriend ask you for small money you will be shouting " i am your father" you that is sucking her breast is she your mother?

10.  I Don't know why some Nigerian Girls will Visit a Guy with a Big bag filled with everything except transport money?

11. Back in the days BlackBerry users thought They have made it in life, Now Apple reigns. Very soon Gauva will Take over 

12. Never say all he wanted nah sex cos all you can offer is Sex. Did you try giving him money or your father's land and he refused? 

13. Girls before you Take your relationship serious. Take your guy to the club and see how many girls know him. Thank me later

14. You are dating married Men continue the girl that will destroy your home are still in j.s.s.3 practising home Economic

15. No one is ever too busy, You're just not important enough

16. Sport bet sef Don hard. even if you stick all 11 prayers to wear Boot one idiot go still waka with slippers come pitch. 

17. Finally i have made it!!! i can now speak frence.Burn June mama, come On serve her? Serve her Beer mercy.

18. A Lady will Make you Angry Then get Angry because you are Angry. Now you have to apologized for being Angry because your anger made her Angry.

19. If you what to know how difficult it is to govern a country, open a whatsapp group and ask members not to post irrelevant things it is Then you will know the situation our presidents are passing through

20. Last night i passed a bar and i shouted " Oga,Your wife dey come oh " see as 8 Men pick race leave Their girlfriends. 

21. Only one week in a relationship, you have already calling him pillar of your life. Wouldn't you allow the cement to dry At least? 

22. I was at the market yesterday When someone covered my eyes from my back and ask me to guest who he was, I guessed for over 30 minutes, i finally removed his hand, behold, he was a mad man 

23. Any woman cheating on her man this year may you catch fire, break your leg, loose your teeth. Any man cheating on his woman father forgive us and Tech us How to love for We dont know what We are doing. 

24. Most women reject Good men, choose bad boys because of swag, get disapointed and blame all men. Confuses generation

25. Support him until he makes a Good living so he can leave you for a girl he couldn't get When he was broke.

26. She never reach hotel, you don dey drink Man power. What if She fall into gutter and go back home?

27. My wife and I were watching a movie on África Magic, There was this particular hotel scence they used and I immediately recognised It. I was about to tell My wife, Honey i know this hotel, before the holy spirit gave me sense.

28. Nah when you don go bank see a grown up Boy or girl wel dress well, come meet you dey beg you quietly to fill ordinary bank teller for em. Nah den you go know say school no bi scam.

29. "If Sex is a sin and masturbation is a sin Also, What do We do when We are horny?" Do both at once and two sins will Cancel each other

30. How do you loss a woman? Just been a Good guy. They hate That shit!

31. Even broke guys are calling Girls gold diggers. Bro, which Gold can She dig from you? When you are just ordinary Aluminum.

32. Today, My girlfriend was selling food for her mum in the shop. I was very happy because i don't have money. She sent me a text telling to come and eat for free. I got there and She served me correct meal with fresh fish and chicken pls one Hollandian 

yoghurt. As She went about to bring water for washing hand, her mum appeared and sent her home. Right now i'm still at their shop.

33. Imagine if God says That your offering money in church will be your feeding money in heaven, shebi you know It's ulcer That will kill you? 

34. My brother hustle oo make small 

pikin no see you hide biscuilt

35. Dating someone That still has feeling for his/her Ex is very risky, they can fix friendly match.

36. Before you married someone sleep with them first to make sure they don snore. You can't spend the rest of your life feeling That you are in a lorry.

37. My sister if you are in a relationship and he only has time for you at Night, My sister you are dating a mosquitor.

38. As you pray for a Good wife, Also pray She have a Good friends too Because those idiots are the board of directors.

39. Wife be like:

husband:.Honey, What happened? Come bed on the bed!

Wife: I will be sleeping on this mat untill you tell me how much is your salary.

40. I was at the market yesteday when somebody covered My eyes from My back and ask me to guess Who he was, i guessed for over 30 minutes, i finally remove his hands, behold, he was a madman.

41. 89 years old man: My 20 years old wife is pregnant isn't That amazing, What your opinion doctor?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabbed an umbralla instead of the gun. He move into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbralla, pulls the handle and Bang, the lion drop dead.

Old Man:. That's impossible, Someone else must have shot the lion!

Doctor: exactly!

42. I hate Girls That ask for money in a relationship. Dont you have parent?

43. Don' t be a boring girlfriend sometimes take him to a mortuary and show him where he'll be if he cheats on you

44. She Ask me : "What do you do for a living?" Then i replied: " I analyse and invest in highly risky business opportunity That have the possibilities of high returns, i deal with investing in business opportunities across England, Spain, italy, Germany, France, etc." She was so excited But She never knew i was talking about Sport betting.

45. No money, no money, yet there are always a quene at ATM. Are they withdrawing their sins?

46. Slim Girls are beautiful and sexy the problem is when they got pregnant they look like Snake That swallowed 5 human being.

47. Only one week in a relationship, you are already calling him pillar of your life. Won't you allow the cement to dry at least?

48. The two Most successful industries in Nigeria are politics and religions. The sad reality is That, people are the commodity

49. Training a girl you want to marry in the University is like Training your daughter for another man

50. So, if My boyfriend has another girlfriend, Who is the girl to me ? Is She My step girlfriend or My business partner?

51. Nowadays when you see a Man open a car Door for a woman is either the relationship is new or the car door is not working Good 

52. To My neighbour Who always had a hard fuck, can you please satisfy your wife quietly? Im sleeping!

53. Girls are like mangoes, once you are waiting for them to ripe, others are eating them with salt

54. Nothing sweet pass when you take your girlfriend to the ATM and the machine swalloned your Card

55. Ladies, If you are given the chance to lash the Man That broke your heart, how many Times would you flog him

56. Job interviewer: can you handle pressure?

Me: I owe My landlord 3 years rent

57. Marry a woman That loves Zeeworld. My brother your food will burn extraordinary everyday

58. Be happy at least they left you with broken heart others were left with kids

59. The way people inside keke look at you when you are trekking is as if they Are inside a private jet

60. Do you remember when you and your ex nearly took an oath not to leave each other? You get luck, you for dey mad by now

61. “Some women’s legs are like rumours, they just keep on spreading” .

62. “It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days because each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire”.

63. “If you are ugly; you are ugly – stop talking about inner beauty because we don’t walk around with X-rays”.

64. “Dear sister, don’t be deceived by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s raining. You are not an umbrella”

65. “It’s better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn’t even drill it herself.”

66. “Some of you girls can’t even jog for 5 minutes but expect a guy to last in bed with you for 2hours? Your level of selfishness demands a one week crusade”.

67. ”If women think having their period (menstruation) in a whole month is a difficult task, they should ask the men how difficult is it to control an erected Pen!s in public.”

68. “Some girls don’t attend the gym but look physically fit because of running from one man to another”.

69. “When you kiss a girl from another nationality, do it well because you represent the whole country”.

70. ”God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loudspeaker”.

71. Just imagine, a guy sits in the darkness and says that he has lost his phone! He uses the light of his mobile device to look for his device (which he`s holding as a light). He answers a phone call and says: ”Sorry, I can't speak, I`ve lost my mobile”. Then he decides to call the police to inform them that his phone has been stolen.

72. Wife: “Honey, our maid is pregnant!”Husband: “It's her problem.”Wife: “Neighbors are gossiping.”Husband: ”It's their problem.”Wife: “I`m afraid.”Husband: ”It's your problem.”Wife: ”The child is from you!”Husband: ”That's my problem! ”

73. The beauty of a woman does not rest on her face,Boot,butt or Body. When i say women are beautiful i mean those independent. Not you tax collector

74. A patient Dog eat the fattest bone But Nowadays patient Dog eat nothing

75. If guys are ask to post their girlfriend pic on Valentine day some Girls will appear 10 Times and above

76. Her pussy is not yours, It is just your turn. Stop dying for the mere though of your girl getting It out to another man

77. Some girls will put flower on their head when they are on social media but feel shy to carry vegetables to sell for their mother.. This is the world we live in

78. Conversation between two friends

Juliet: My sister I don call you tired o. And I no like wetin your phone dey answer me.
Mary: What do you mean, wetin my phone dey answer you?

Juliet: I no no o. Anytime I call you e bi like swear.

Mary: Swear how?

Juliet: E dey say the person you are calling cannot be rich

Mary: What? It is your father that cannot be rich. Idiot!

79. Dear men, attachment is 1k, Ghana weaving is #1500, relaxer is #500, to retouch is #800. Weavon is very cheap. You'll get the one of #500. Don't let any girl deceive you this weekend. If she ask of anything above 4k for her hair let her cut the hair...... No bi joke oo

80. If only Women will give their husbands half of the respect they give to their pastors and spiritual fathers..... There would be so many good marriages

81. Do you blow your food when it's too hot, or you just hasafashafsas till you can chew it?

82. Some girls think that a guy who joins her in the kitchen is romantic. My sister, he just wants to " romaticully " make sure you don't put juju in his food

83. Wedding receptions should have special table for ex boyfriends. Afterall, the Labour of our heroes past shall never been in vain

84. A girl born near a door is  called Dories..... They wouldn't teach you this one at school.

85. A guy was asked if he could sell his destiny for N 400 billion. He instantly reply " what if selling my Destiny is my Destiny?

86. Pls tell me, apart from smokers and lizards which other animal live in UNcompleted building?

87. Some guys will never take you out, all they know is come and visit me.... come and visit me as if they are admitted into the hospital.

88. Cheapest Pregnancy test. insect biscuit in your private part. if it gets eaten, then there is a baby in there.

89. your  future is in your hands and you are using it to figer girls. I use babalawo to beg you to stop, as you no dey fear God so....

90. I went for jobs interview yesterday the moment I saw that my bitter Ex was in charge, I knew I have lost the job. The witch asked me to name 15 india biscuits

91. My Brother, Never! I repeat Never buy groundnut  and sugar from the same shop, they will know you want to drink Garri

92. I started my restaurant with just one cup of Garri and 3 cups of equasi...... Motivational speaker please avoid me.

93. Two days in a relationship you already NEED 5k urgently. is that registration fee?