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Why do people cheat on their partners?
As a former world class f*ck boy and narcissist I am very qualified to answer this question.
I was unfaithful in my last relationship for many reasons but there is one that was plain and clear.
I was DEEPLY insecure.
I was not secure in the fact that she loved me. Which would make sense because I was attracted to cold emotionally unavailable women, which she very much was.
I always thought I was worthless, that she would eventually figure that out, and she would leave me. I always had that thought in the back of my head.
“She is going to leave me. No matter how good I am, how hard I try, it will never be enough. So what does it matter”
And after my session in therapy this weeks it makes a lot of sense why I believe that so deeply.
My therapist asked me about the relationships in my family. He asked because I have had an extreme discomfort about being in a relationship, despite the fact I am in the best, healthiest relationship of my life.
Every relationship in my extended family is a mess. Especially my parents who I could never understand why they stayed together when they fought so much. But I brought up an uncle which I hadn’t really thought about in years, and immediately started weeping.
He was the best guy I have known. Smart, accomplished, well respected, in incredible shape, successful in his career, but above all that he was the best Dad I ever seen. He was kind and compassionate. He was at everyone of his kids games, practices, summer camps, no matter what he was there. It made me jealous as my father, though in my household, had been entirely absent in my life.
His wife out of nowhere decides she doesn't want to be with him anymore and just divorces him. This… just broke me.
This is actually a pattern in my family.
I thought to myself, fuck… if a woman looks at a guy like that and just decides one day she doesn’t want to be with him, what chance do I have?
It made it clear to me why I had such little faith in relationships and generally didn’t have faith in any woman.
The pattern I noticed growing up was that all the decent men in my family, their wives always divorced them. And the toxic abusive men, their wives ALWAYS stayed.
So what did it teach me? That good decent men always get abandoned and the guys who did whatever they wanted were rewarded for it.
So when this was my example, what was I to believe? How else was I supposed to act?
The only thing that shattered that reality was just how awful I felt inside living my life like that and ultimately coming clean to my last girlfriend about it.
It was in that moment seeing her devastated eyes that it was made clear to me that all that I thought was utter bullsh*t and I really needed to change.
With 3 Years of work and therapy later I am in an honest healthy and transparent relationship with a woman who is totally aware of my past, present and I have been completely faithful.
Mostly because I am now more secure in myself, my worth and that I am with a woman who is emotionally available, affectionate, and I am secure in my relationship with her.
Being faithful to someone ,I have learned, takes a deep sense of security and self worth. Some people receive that security and self worth as children, I really have to earn it as an adult.
Its hard but I’m pleased I work on it daily, for me, my woman, and my future children who will mature feeling loved, secure, and confident within their self-worth.
As a former world class f*ck boy and narcissist I am very qualified to answer this question.
I was unfaithful in my last relationship for many reasons but there is one that was plain and clear.
I was DEEPLY insecure.
I was not secure in the fact that she loved me. Which would make sense because I was attracted to cold emotionally unavailable women, which she very much was.
I always thought I was worthless, that she would eventually figure that out, and she would leave me. I always had that thought in the back of my head.
“She is going to leave me. No matter how good I am, how hard I try, it will never be enough. So what does it matter”
And after my session in therapy this weeks it makes a lot of sense why I believe that so deeply.
My therapist asked me about the relationships in my family. He asked because I have had an extreme discomfort about being in a relationship, despite the fact I am in the best, healthiest relationship of my life.
Every relationship in my extended family is a mess. Especially my parents who I could never understand why they stayed together when they fought so much. But I brought up an uncle which I hadn’t really thought about in years, and immediately started weeping.
He was the best guy I have known. Smart, accomplished, well respected, in incredible shape, successful in his career, but above all that he was the best Dad I ever seen. He was kind and compassionate. He was at everyone of his kids games, practices, summer camps, no matter what he was there. It made me jealous as my father, though in my household, had been entirely absent in my life.
His wife out of nowhere decides she doesn't want to be with him anymore and just divorces him. This… just broke me.
This is actually a pattern in my family.
I thought to myself, fuck… if a woman looks at a guy like that and just decides one day she doesn’t want to be with him, what chance do I have?
It made it clear to me why I had such little faith in relationships and generally didn’t have faith in any woman.
The pattern I noticed growing up was that all the decent men in my family, their wives always divorced them. And the toxic abusive men, their wives ALWAYS stayed.
So what did it teach me? That good decent men always get abandoned and the guys who did whatever they wanted were rewarded for it.
So when this was my example, what was I to believe? How else was I supposed to act?
The only thing that shattered that reality was just how awful I felt inside living my life like that and ultimately coming clean to my last girlfriend about it.
It was in that moment seeing her devastated eyes that it was made clear to me that all that I thought was utter bullsh*t and I really needed to change.
With 3 Years of work and therapy later I am in an honest healthy and transparent relationship with a woman who is totally aware of my past, present and I have been completely faithful.
Mostly because I am now more secure in myself, my worth and that I am with a woman who is emotionally available, affectionate, and I am secure in my relationship with her.
Being faithful to someone ,I have learned, takes a deep sense of security and self worth. Some people receive that security and self worth as children, I really have to earn it as an adult.
Its hard but I’m pleased I work on it daily, for me, my woman, and my future children who will mature feeling loved, secure, and confident within their self-worth.
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